My struggles and triumphs with breastfeeding!

I have another great, inspirational story about breastfeeding success! This article, by mom Christina Adams, is both inspirational and informative. She was able to successfully breastfeed with hypoplastic breasts and following breast surgery:

I had struggled with breast feeding my son, Vance. When he was born we lived in Japan and there wasn't a support system there at all. When I was struggling with supply issues, the hospital staff handed me an SNS (supplemental nursing system) and a case of pre-made formula and basically told me "Good luck". No one knew how to work the SNS and I was too nervous to try it. After 3 months of wondering why breast feeding wasn't working and having to supplement with bottles of formula, Vance developed a nipple preference and refused to nurse anymore. That was the end of that...

When I became pregnant with Harper, I decided that no matter what, she was going to be breast fed for at least one year, come hell or high water! I read everything I could get my hands on. I became very active in the Breastfeeding moms forum. I got in touch with La Leche League. That's when I realized that my supply issues were the result of something I had done to my breasts 8 years ago.

When I was going through puberty and developing breast tissue, something went amiss. Only one breast developed glandular tissue. As a result, my left breast was a size D and my right was tubular and only about an A cup. (This is often referred to as Insufficient Glandular Tissue, or Tubular Hypoplastic Breasts)As a teenager I was mortified by my "defect" and used a mastectomy prosthetic to mask the difference under clothes. When I was 20 years old (and about to be dropped from my dad's insurance) we found out that because my defect was considered a "chromosomal abnormality", his insurance would pay for reconstructive surgery! We went to all the referral appointments and the plastic surgeon that was covered did the surgery on May 30, 2001. He did a reduction on the left side and then put implants in both, so that they would both have that full, augmented look. They were still uneven, but looked a little better in a bra than they had before.

I went to the BFAR (breastfeeding after reduction) website and saw that a device called a "Lact-aid" was very highly recommended as an at breast supplementer. Then, in the breastfeeding forum, one of the moms recommended it as well. (Lact-aid is different than an SNS mainly in the way the milk come out of the tube. With an SNS, the baby doesn't have to work to get the milk out because gravity pulls it down. With a Lact-aid the baby has to suck and pull the milk up [like a straw] so it gives breasts more stimulation). I ordered the Starter Set that day! Domperidome was also mentioned numerous times to help up supply. Adoptive mothers had used it to get a supply going so they could breast feed their babies, even though they had not birthed them. I ordered a 3 month supply of that, too!

When Harper was born (an accidental homebirth!) on the way to the hospital, the EMT asked my if I wanted to nurse her. So there I was, strapped to a gurney, headed to a hospital, nursing Harper for the first time in front of a large, strange man that had just seen me in all my glory! I knew right then that everything with Harper was going to be different than it was with Vance!

She was 8lbs 6oz and just beautiful. I didn't let her out of my sight. She nursed and slept and nursed the entire time we were in the hospital! When we went home a couple days later she was down to 7lbs 11 oz (within normal range for loss). 3 days later when we went back in for a follow-up, she was 7lbs 12oz! My milk had come in that previous night and I was hopeful that i would be able to make enough milk for her without having to take the domperidome or use the Lact-aid. I made an appointment to see the lactation consultant in one weeks time. At that visit, Harper was still 7lbs 12oz. I was heart broken that my around the clock nursing and 64+oz of water a day just wasn't enough. The LC showed me how to use the Lact-aid and gave me a can of formula to use in it. I started taking the domperidome that day. I also started taking 12 fenugreek a day as well.

Because I knew that my breasts needed constant stimulation in order to send the signal to my brain to make more milk, I only gave her 2oz at a time in the Lact-aid, and only after she had nursed both sides without it. I watched her diaper count to make sure she was getting enough. She averaged about 12oz of formula or pumped milk a day and nursed 12-14 times in a 24 hour period. Her diaper count was always 6+, so I knew that she was getting enough. Slowly (and I mean s l o w l y!) we were able to wean off the Lact-aid. She was 5 months old. I had stopped taking domperidome about 2 months before then, but I was still taking fenugreek daily.

We battled thrush twice. Dane, Vance and I had Swine Flu in August. I know that she didn't get it because of the antibodies I was giving her through my milk. I had abdominal surgery when she was 8 months old. Because of the surgery, I had to stop taking the fenugreek. I was terrified that it would cause a dip in my supply, but to my surprise, I did fine without it. When Harper was 7 months old, I went back to school full time. I can't pump enough to send her with only "mommy milk" so she has been getting about 6oz of formula a day for the last 5 months. On the weekends, she only nurses. We stared giving her solid foods when she was about 6 1/2 months old and she is a food-aholic! She loves to eat pasta with red sauce and whole cuts of steamed broccoli.

She still nurses 4-5 times a day and I see no end in sight. I will nurse her for as long as she wants to. I love coming home at the end of a long day and cuddling with her on the sofa, while Vance sits on my opposite knee and we all read a book together. It makes the stress of Algebra and Western Civilization melt away, and at the same time it melts my heart. Vance is an amazing big brother. He is patient and loving towards her. Whenever she is upset and crying he'll tell me "Booboo needs nurse, mommy". I love them both so much!

I am so proud of my accomplishment and I know that I did everything I could to give her the very best! She is my angel-girl and I love her so much!

Resources

Diary of Lactation Failure
Hypoplasia/Insufficient Glandular Tissue

Nursing Against All Odds

I'm honored to share the story of Tami Caudill and her determination to breastfeed her daughter, against all odds:

My son who is now 3 was breastfed for 7 months, then was given pumped milk until 13 months. I thought I had challenges with him! Yeah, not so much. I had mastitis, oversupply ( which I liked) he was tongue tied and had a highly arched palate which caused my nipples to be hamburger for a month until the frenulum stretched and he matured/grew and the high palate wasn't an issue. At 7 months, after returning to work, he refused to nurse anymore. It was like he was mad at me.

When my daughter was born I decided I would try harder and that she would actually nurse for 18 months.

A few days after going home I had what I thought were symptoms of a UTI (nope) and mastitis (nope) and numbness tingling and weakness in hands and feet that got worse - higher. I had trouble walking and and was looking like a cow with mad cow disease. I went into ER and they said I was fine and that it was post partum depression and go home. That night I was falling and couldn't stand from sitting and couldn't go up stairs. I called clinic and a very smart receptionist squeezed me in for an MRI and to see my doctor. MRI showed no MS (woot woot!). Dr. examined me and thought that I had Guillain-Barre syndrome. He transferred me to an ICU that could infuse the IVIg I needed. During all of this I had my baby with me and was breastfeeding. I even brought her with to the ICU and she could stay with me. (We later determined that IVIg is not safe for breastfeeding infants and I would have to pump and dump while on it.*)

About 5 hours later the paralysis had reached my chest and I was not able to breath - the vent was started and Cambria went home with family. I was ventilated and paralyzed from the eyes down, but I insisted on being pumped every 2 hours (nurses or family had to do it since I was unable to hold them) during the day and every 4 hours at night.



After a week of treatment I came off the vent, but within 8 hours I developed preeclampsia (didn't know it at the time) at 3 weeks post partum. I went blind from swelling on my brain and shortly thereafter had eclamptic seizures and a mild stroke. I was medicated with things designed to make me forget things during this time and put back on the vent, but even through that I was asking to be pumped. I was in tremendous pain - makes natural labor look like a hang nail, would have taken that willingly and smiled about it - partially paralyzed needing to pump and dump for 4 weeks while on IVIg, doing intensive inpatient rehab for weeks and I still was determined that I would breastfeed when I got home - never even questioned that it would work.

By 5 weeks in my daughter (and son) could visit and when she did I breastfed her.



When I could have her at home 3 weeks later we never skipped a beat and she breastfed perfectly - cluster fed a lot at first, but that was no biggie.



She is now 13 months and still breast feeding. She only got formula for 10 days, because other moms found people to donate milk** to her when I was dumping. I literally nearly died twice in those 7 weeks (doctors didn't even leave my bedside for 2 days each time I was vented, and if you know doctors you know that's a HUGE deal) but I never gave up on breastfeeding my baby!

Editor's Notes:
* It is important to note that most medications and treatments are compatible with breastfeeding and it is very rare that a mother will need to "pump and dump". Many mothers are incorrectly told they cannot breastfeed on a medication when it is actually very safe. My review of the literature does not find an IVIg that is not compatible with breastfeeding, though it is possible there are some that are not. A reliable source to determine if breastfeeding is safe with an particular medication or treatment is InfantRisk Center
**There are risks involved in informal milk sharing and mothers are encouraged to research the risks and benefits before using donor milk. A good resource is Should Milk Sharing Among Mothers Be Encouraged?

Adoptive Breastfeeding: What are the Benefits?

How important is adoptive breastfeeding? Does it really make a big difference?

From personal experience I can tell you that adoptive breastfeeding is HARD! It is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. The steps and the physical action of doing it isn't difficult. It is hard in a different way. It is hard to see the results early on. It is time consuming and tedious. It is double the time and effort of breastfeeding and formula/bottle feeding combined. It is so much effort and you are constantly wondering, "Is it really 'worth' it?" or "Is this really going to matter in the long run?"
Knowing the positive impacts at the "end of the tunnel" can make all of the extra effort in the beginning worth it.

When I first held my new baby, who had spent her first 17 days as "Baby Girl Doe" in the NICU, I knew that I needed to breastfeed her.



That is over 17 days of being swaddled in a bassinet. Cozy, fed, and taken care of. She was held, in fact the nurses doted on her. But, she was never held skin to skin on her mother's warm chest.



The reality is that ALL adoptions involve a loss for the child. Even a newborn infant who is placed right into the loving arms of his/her adoptive parents is being separated from the only mother they know.

Adoption universally involves loss. Babies recognize their mothers at birth and at delivery healthy babies placed on the abdomen of their mother will crawl up onto her chest and, locating the nipple via its familiar smell, will attach to her breast and suckle. Newborn infants desire to remain with their mother and if removed from skin-to-skin contact with her will give a specific "separation distress cry/call" as an appeal for reunion. Maternal separation is stressful for infants, and all adopted children have experienced the loss of their birth mother (Gribble, 2006).

There is very little research on breastfeeding and adoption, but the little bit that there is suggests it is beneficial to both mother and child. I believe that this is because breastfeeding isn't just a feeding method, it is a relationship. It's not about the milk, it is about your connection with your child. With the current popularity of informal breast milk donations it would probably not be too difficult for adoptive parents to find human milk for their baby, but that does not provide the skin to skin contact and physical relationship that breastfeeding ensures.

breastfeeding is more than just the provision of nutrition; the act of suckling at the breast has an impact on both child and mother (Gribble, 2006)

Breastfeeding naturally puts you in skin to skin contact with your baby which is important to baby’s development and in forming attachments between mother and child. When you are bottle-feeding, you must find additional time each day to hold your baby skin-to-skin. Some benefits of skin-to-skin contact for your baby are better organization of reflexes, stable temperature, and regulated heart rate. Some benefits for you include increased milk production, easier breastfeeding, and better oxytocin release (Moore, Anderson & Bergman 2009). 

Research has shown breastfeeding to have positive psychological effects for mothers as well. One study compared mothers breastfeeding and bottle-feeding: The researchers found a correlation between positive mood and reduced stress after a breastfeeding session when compared to a bottle feeding session. The researchers suggested that the higher levels of the hormone oxytocin released by breastfeeding contributed to the decrease in negative mood (Buckley & Charles 2006). Bonding is important aspect in adoption, and the hormones released during breastfeeding can facilitate that process.

The World Health Organization (WHO) suggests that all children be breastfed by their mothers, and if that is not possible the baby should be fed the expressed milk from their mother, or nursed by or fed the milk from another mother. The last choice for feeding an infant, according to the WHO is an artificial breast milk substitute, or, formula. WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for at least the first 4 and if possible the first 6 months of an infants life, and continued breastfeeding with adequate complementary food for up to two yeas of age or more. So, it is not just infants who need to be breastfed, but toddlers as well.  

The International Breastfeeding Journal has a research article titled:

Mental health, attachment and breastfeeding: implications for adopted children and their mothers by Karleen D Gribble, 2006:

What are the benefits? Some of the benefits mentions in this article include:

• Breastfeeding calms and provides analgesia to infants, as evidenced in reduced heart and metabolic rates and a reduced ability to perceive pain during suckling
• breastfeeding involves maternal skin-to-skin contact, which stabilises blood glucose levels, body temperature and respiration rates
• breastfeeding involves intimate social interaction between mother and child, which may result in the release of the anti-stress hormone oxytocin
• Oxytocin is released (in the mother) from the hypothalamus in response to skin-to-skin contact and suckling at the breast
• The hormone prolactin is released from the pituitary in response to nipple stimulation, such as that occurring during suckling...and is thought to act on the central nervous system to promote maternal behaviour
• The increased responsiveness of breastfeeding women to their infants is perhaps a result of the hormonal influences already described, but it may also be related to the physical closeness of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding requires frequent close physical contact between mother and child and some research has found that breastfeeding women seek greater proximity to their babies . Breastfeeding involves infant-mother skin-to-skin contact which both increases a mother's desire to be with her baby and her sensitivity to her infant

Dusty Copeland wrote a very detailed article on the benefits of breastfeeding foster children. In her article, Foster Breastfeeding she answers the question, "Why should we have foster nursing moms?"

Breast milk is the normal food for babies. The World Health Organization and Unicef¹ state that where it is not possible for the biological mother to breastfeed, the first alternative, if available, should be the use of human milk from other sources." Given the precarious physical and emotional health of some babies in foster care it is possible that breast milk/breastfeeding might assist many children (Gribble, 2006)  

I think the benefits to both mother and baby are worth the hard effort involved!

References

Buckley, K. & Charles, G. (2006) Benefits and challenges of transitioning preterm infants to at-breast feedings. International Breastfeeding Journal 1:13

Gribble, K. (2006) Mental health, attachment and breastfeeding: implications for adopted children and their mothers. International Breastfeeding Journal 1:5.

Moore ER, Anderson GC, Bergman N. (2009) Early skin-to-skin contact for mothers and their healthy newborn infants Cochrane Summaries

Getting an Older Baby to Breastfeed

There are situations when a mother has an older baby, a baby beyond the newborn stage, who is not breastfeeding. It may be an adopted baby. It may be the case of a child who has weaned and the mother wants to get the baby breastfeeding again. Whatever the reason, there are ways to help transition an older baby, or even toddler, to the breast.

Kellymom.com has some good information on getting baby to the breast. She suggests that, especially with an older baby, you think about coaxing baby to the breast. These are just a few of her suggestions:

Your goal is to coax baby to the breast. Do not attempt to force your baby to breastfeed. Forcing baby to the breast does not work, stresses baby, and can result in baby forming an aversion to the breast. As baby gets better at nursing and is able to get more milk via nursing, he will grow to trust that breastfeeding works and will have more patience when latching.

• Lots of skin-to-skin contact can help your baby nurse better and even gain weight faster. Keep your baby with you as much as possible, and give him lots of opportunities to nurse (even if you're not successful). Get skin-to-skin with him, first when he is sleepy, right after a bottle feed (or however you're supplementing). This way baby has the opportunity to sleep and wake up happily, skin to skin at mom's chest, and mom is right there to catch the earliest hunger cues. If baby moves toward the breast and then falls asleep before even mouthing the nipple, or after sucking twice, then these are positive baby steps, not failures.
• Carry your baby close to you ... "Wear," carry, hold and cuddle your baby as much as possible; carry baby on your hip while doing other things, play with baby, and give baby lots of focused attention.
• Sleep near your baby. If baby sleeps with you, you'll get more skin-to-skin contact, plus baby has more access to the breast... If baby is not in the same bed, have baby's bed beside your bed or in the same room so that you can catch early feeding cues, breastfeed easier at night, and get more sleep.
• Nipple shields can be helpful at times for transitioning baby to the breast. Talk to your lactation consultant about using this tool.
• Comfort nursing is often the first to come, followed by nutritive nursing. Offer the breast for comfort any time you see a chance- at the end of a feeding when baby is not hungry, when baby is going to sleep or just waking up, when baby is asleep, and whenever he needs to comfort suck If your baby is actively resisting nursing, then try encouraging comfort nursing after baby is comfortable with skin-to-skin contact. After baby is willing to nurse for comfort, you can then proceed to working on nursing for "meals" as well. You are working to seduce your baby back to breast. Again, coax, don't force!
  
  There are more things you can try:
  
  • Offer the breast when he is not hungry.
  • Try giving him most of his feeding by bottle and then switching over to the breast.This is known as the Finish at the Breast method.
  • You can change the way you bottle feed to help the transition. There are methods of bottle feeding that are more supportive of breastfeeding.
  
  
  
  SNS At Breast Supplementer
  
  If you have tried all of the suggestions above, without success, there is another approach you can try. I will describe steps in a method that is often used to teach older infants to breastfeed. How quickly you go through these steps will depend upon how your baby is responding. You will need an at breast supplementer to do this.
  
  
  Lact-Aid At Breast Supplementer
  
• First, only mom feeds the baby (both solids and bottles). Baby is always held by mom when being fed.
• Don’t allow baby to hold his own bottle. If baby is used to holding his own bottle you may need to gradually get him used to you holding it. Put a sock over it so that it looks more like a piece of clothing than a bottle.
• When baby is comfortable with mom holding the bottle, and being held by mom while feeding, you are ready to try the at breast supplementer (abs). The first step is to thread the tube of the abs through the bottle nipple he usually takes, and feed him that way (you can use a tapestry needle to thread supplementer tube into the nipple, it only needs to stick out a little).
• Next, move the bottle nipple over your own nipple. Once he is comfortable sucking on the nipple with the abs over your nipple you are ready to try and move him to your breast. Toward the end of the feeding try and switch him to your breast.
• Once you get baby to latch on to the breast directly, you may try to feed at first with the abs (even if you have a good supply) as baby may like the faster flow he is used to getting from the bottle.You can eventually wean off of the abs (usually very quickly if you have a good supply).

Here is how one mother describes her progress:

From Child of My Heart
All the next day I bottle-fed him in the nursing position. He was content, but I found it so awkward. Breastfeeding leaves you with one hand free, and I'd never really realized that bottle-feeding takes two hands! The next day I began to work on the gradual transition to the breast. My first step was to thread the tiny tube of the nursing supplementer through the same type of bottle nipple he was used to. Then I placed the bottle nipple (without the collar) over my breast for the feeding. This way Joshua got used to being against my skin, while still sucking on his familiar bottle nipple. His formula now flowed from the supplementer rather than the bottle and to all outward appearances, he was breastfeeding.

Another mother describes their progress:

From We Are Breastfeeding
During the third week, I began put the tube of an at-breast supplementer next to the bottle nipple. I planned to put this tube next to my nipple while breastfeeding so he could get more milk at the breast. He needed to get used to that idea, so I pulled the tube through the bottle nipple with a needle, and then filled the supplementer bag with milk... ...At the end of the third week I put the bottle nipple closer to my breast and then right over my breast. Then I could move him toward me into a breastfeeding position. We were almost breastfeeding even though he had not yet latched on. He got milk from me while being held in my arms. He felt my skin next to his belly. He felt my breast against his cheek. He looked into my eyes. He smiled back at me.

Milk Sharing: Good or Bad?

There is no question in my mind, and in most people's minds: Breastmilk is better for babies than formula. Human breastmilk is specifically designed to meet the needs of human infants. There is no changing that fact. As "good" as formula has become in the last 50 years, it still has only a fraction of the ingredients that are found in breastmilk, and none of the live cells and antibodies found in breastmilk.

Clearly I am a strong proponent of breastfeeding and feel that breastmilk is the best food for human infants. Milk sharing is big in the news right now. Even the mainstream media has picked up on the buzz about milk sharing websites such as Eats On Feets and Milk Share. So why am I feeling a little it uncomfortable about the huge rise in popularity of milk sharing?

I am not uncomfortable about the risks of milk sharing. I believe that, in most cases, the risks of formula are greater than the risks of donated milk. Nancy Mohrbacher has an excellent article on this: Should Milk Sharing Among Mothers Be Encouraged?

I'm not against moms sharing milk. In fact, have used donor milk (from friends) with two of my babies. I was forced to "pump and dump" for 48 hours due to a less than ideal choice on medication by an ER doctor when my son was only 2 1/2 months old and exclusively breastfed. I had some milk in the freezer, but it wasn't quite enough to make it through. Not wanting to compromise his virgin gut, I requested some milk from a couple of friends who were currently breastfeeding. My adopted baby was on formula while I was working to bring in a milk supply for her, and I gladly accepted some donations of milk from two friends to replace some of the formula.

In some of the stories I have read about moms who have used donor milk, I got the feeling that it was "okay" to "give up" on breastfeeding, because they would be able to get donor milk for their baby. Is donor milk the new "formula"? This is a concern with the explosion in milk sharing. My concern is that moms will give up too easily thinking that donor milk is "just as good". What have moms been told for years when breastfeeding got hard? "It's okay, formula is just fine." Will the new mantra become, "I'ts okay, he will still get breast milk, and that's just as good."?

Our culture seems to sing the praises of "breast milk" more than "breast feeding". Breastmilk IS the best food for babies, but it is not the best thing for babies, that is breastfeeding. When you look at the feeding recommendations from the World Health Organization (WHO) you will find that the first choice for infant feeding is breastfeeding. If that is not possible the choices are:

• “The second choice is the mother's own milk expressed and given to the infant in some way.
• The third choice is the milk of another human mother.
• The fourth and last choice is artificial baby milk (infant formula)”


So, while donor milk is certainly better than formula, it is still pretty far down the list, just one above formula. With the wide availability of donor breastmilk, all we have is another widely available substitute for breastfeeding. While most infants will do just fine on commercial formula (you don't have to go far to hear "My baby was formula fed and he is fine!"), there are babies, who for a variety of reasons, really need human breastmilk in order to grow and thrive.

Breast milk feeding does NOT have the same benefits as breastfeeding, as I talked about in my post It's Not About the Milk. Even the milk itself is not as beneficial. For example, breast milk has the highest level of antibodies when baby takes it directly from the breast, and is second-best when it is freshly pumped. The mother's body actually responds to her baby’s saliva to make milk that is just right for him. If baby is exposed to something that he needs antibodies for, this is how the mother's body “learns” to make those antibodies for him. The longer the milk is stored, the more of these antibodies are deactivated. Freezing destroys even more antibodies. (Frozen milk still provides excellent nutrition and protection for your baby, just not as good as directly from the breast or freshly pumped.)

What is needed much more than another substitute is to help the mothers who want to breastfeed to be successful. The reality is, most of the mothers who "can't" breastfeed could be successful with the right information and support. The numbers just don't work out for moms who "need" to supplement. According to the Centers For Disease Control (CDC) as of 2007, only 33% of breastfed babies are breastfed exclusively, without supplements, at three months old. This is not hard to believe when you find out that, even though only a small percentage of newborn babies have a true medical need for supplements in the first few days, currently approximately 50% of newborns born in California are getting formula supplements in the first days of life in the hospital. Moms who want to breastfeed exclusively are being set up to fail.

This issue of milk sharing is of particular interest to me. As I said before, I have given two of my babies donated milk. I have also been in the situation of being handed a newborn baby when I had no milk of my own to give. As I struggled to induce lactation I came to a conclusion: Given the choice I would rather "breastfeed" my baby with formula, than bottle feed my baby with breastmilk. Why? Bottle feeding is a feeding method, breastfeeding is a relationship.

Bottom line, my biggest concern is that all of the hype about the benefits of milk sharing will draw the attention even closer to the "breast MILK" is best idea, and away from the "breast FEEDING" is best view.

What do you think?

Three Amazing Gifts

What gifts has breastfeeding given you or your family? This is the topic for the December Carnival of Breastfeeding. I’ve really had to think about this one a lot before writing about it. I think it has been a little bit different with each child I have breastfed.

Breastfeeding my first child gave me the gift of teaching me how to be a mother. I quickly developed a close relationship with my baby by figuring out his subtle cues that he was ready to nurse.
Through this process I learned how to mother. I learned that nursing is not just about feeding. I think this is the biggest difference between breastfeeding and bottle feeding. I’ve heard it said before that “Bottle feeding is a feeding method, but breastfeeding is a relationship”. I don’t think that is always true for every mother who breastfeeds, for some it is just a feeding method. They develop a relationship in other ways, just like mothers who bottle feed also develop a relationship with their baby. I’ve heard it described as the difference between “breastfeeding” and “nursing”. When you are breastfeeding you are “feeding” your child. When you are “nursing” you are mothering your child at your breast. As a breastfeeding mom I could keep all of my focus on my baby. I never had to take my focus away to prepare a bottle, I could bring baby right to my breast. All I needed to do was nurse and mother my baby at the breast, and as an added benefit, that took care of him being fed as well! Breastfeeding my first child gave me that gift, the gift of showing me how to mother my child.

Shortly after the birth of my second child I became seriously ill. This made breastfeeding very challenging at times. For me, breastfeeding was never an option, in was how I was going to care for my baby. There was never the possibility that breastfeeding wouldn’t work, or that bottle feeding was an alternative. Especially after nursing my first baby. I had just learned how to mother my child at the breast. If I didn’t breastfeed then I’d have to learn all over again, a different way to mother!

Fortunately, breastfeeding was well established by the time I became ill. It turned out to be a real blessing, a gift. Nursing allowed me the ability to care for my baby even on days when I couldn’t get out of bed. If I had been bottle feeding, it would have been very easy to turn the care of my baby over to someone else. Think of the countless hours of skin to skin contact and holding between mother and baby that would have been lost if someone took over care of the baby so that I could “rest and get well”. Breastfeeding my second baby gave me the gift of staying close to my baby, and allowing me to still be a mother when I could do little else.

My third baby was adopted. I did not get to have the joy and physical connection of feeling her grow and move inside me. I didn’t have the opportunity to give birth to her, to see her come into the world and hold her warm little body. I did not know I was going to be her mommy, and meet her, until she was 17 days old. I didn’t need to breastfeed her in order to feed her. She had done well her first 17 days in the NICU on bottles of formula. With the children I gave birth to, breastfeeding was easier than formula feeding. No bottles or formula to prepare or wash. Just lift shirt and insert baby. Nighttime feedings with a full supply of milk were a breeze, I never even had to get out of bed! Now I was in a situation where I had a baby, and it was going to be more work to breastfeed. I didn’t have a milk supply, I still needed to use formula (along with some donor breastmilk). Breastfeeding this baby meant at breast supplementers, pumping, and taking a prescription medication to induce, and hopefully bring in, a milk supply. It would have been easy to bottle feed this baby.

However, the first time I put this baby to my breast, at 18 days old, weighing 4 lbs 0 ounces, I was given a gift. I laid back on some pillows on my bed. I took off my shirt, and stripped her down to only her diaper and laid her on my chest. She immediately threw herself down and latched on to my right breast. Her body completely relaxed. I felt her say, “This is my Mommy. I am so glad to be home.” She is still nursing at 17 months old. The physical and emotional bond that has formed between us is amazing. What an awesome gift!

Nursing my early arrival, and battling illness as a breastfeeding mom

In honor of his 9th birthday today, my story of nursing Scootch!

My second son, “Scootch”, was born prematurely at 34 weeks. He was a good size at five pounds, 11 ounces. I was happy that he made it to 34 weeks. At 29 weeks, I started leaking amniotic fluid. Assuming that delivery was imminent, I was given a shot to mature his lungs and sent by ambulance to the nearest hospital with a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) over two hours away from our home. We were lucky that I stopped leaking fluid and I was sent home and put on bed rest. I spent the next five weeks in and out of the hospital in an ongoing game to stop my labor. The hardest part of this was being away from my other baby, my 16-month-old son.

Scootch was born healthy and breathing well, but he was sleepy. He did not wake up when I delivered him. It was 24 hours before he cried. I began pumping right away so he could be fed through a tube and almost cried when I saw the few drops of colostrum in the bottle. "This would never be enough! They will insist on giving him formula!" I thought. The doctor then told me he had ordered that he be given five cc of colostrum every three hours. What I had was plenty!

It felt like one frustration after another. I asked that he be given no artificial nipples. I wanted all of his sucking to be at my breast. I was angry when I came in after a shift change to find a pacifier in his mouth. "It says in his chart no artificial nipples!" I informed the new nurse. "Oh, I thought that just meant no bottles," was her response.

I spent the next six days sitting in the bright, noisy NICU trying desperately to get Scootch to nurse, and then pumping afterward. The hospital was very busy at the time and sometimes there wasn't a pump available for me. I often had to track one down. It was almost impossible to get Scootch to wake up to latch on. He would just lie there with his eyes closed and lips shut tight. The nurses watched us. The lactation consultants watched us. "You are doing everything right. Just keep trying," they all said. I tried to hold him and give him as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. He was jaundiced and the nurses wanted him in the incubator under the lights as much as possible. At one point they gave him a special vest with the bili lights so that I could hold him more.

We were over two hours from home, staying in the Ronald McDonald House and going back and forth to the hospital. I was exhausted. There was no place for me to lie down at the hospital. I could only sit in a chair in the NICU. After a couple of days I had to give up on a few middle of the night feedings and try to get some more rest. I was able to leave enough pumped milk for them to give him through his feeding tube while I was gone.

After six days, I got to bring Scootch home. He had only nursed successfully a handful of times (I'm still a little surprised they let me take him home!). When we got home I was terrified. Would I be able to wake him and keep him alert so that I could get enough milk into him? At the same time, I knew nursing would be so much easier to do at home. I could lie on the couch or in bed with him all day and night and let him nurse whenever he wanted. I couldn't do that in the NICU.

After a couple of weeks, things got a lot easier and I no longer worried about Scootch feeding. He was nursing on demand without me having to wake him. He was thriving!


My biggest hurdle was yet to come. When Scootch was just over two months old, I got a bad stomach virus. It hit me really hard and I was taken to the emergency room (ER) by ambulance. At the hospital, the ER doctor was very concerned because I was so sick. He insisted on giving me a strong antibiotic that was not compatible with breastfeeding. I refused, asking to only have fluids and the medication to stop the vomiting. After a few hours, I decided to take the antibiotic. I checked with my local La Leche League Leader and she confirmed that this was one of the few antibiotics that are not compatible with breastfeeding. I could not nurse for 48 hours. This began 48 hours of "pumping and dumping" while Scootch was fed pumped milk from the freezer.

A few weeks later I still was not feeling 100 percent better. I went to the doctor and she ran some tests. It turned out I had clostridium dificil (C. dif). This is an intestinal bug that takes over when you have been getting too many antibiotics and have killed off too much of the "good bacteria." Looking back, I had been on IV antibiotics most of the time I was hospitalized for pre-term labor (just in case the labor was caused by an infection that they did not detect). I had also taken antibiotics when I had mastitis when Scootch was about a month old. The antibiotic from the ER was enough to push me over the edge. A "new" antibiotic, I was told, would cure me. Over the course of the next four months I took several more courses of antibiotics in an attempt to get rid of the C. dif. Every time I would feel better at first, then it would come back worse than before. I was rapidly losing weight, and I was already thin to begin with. Sometimes the diarrhea and cramping were unbearable. It was scary to be alone with my infant and toddler and not know if I was going to end up stuck in the bathroom, feeling as if I might pass out from the pain.

Sometimes I would get dehydrated, too. One time I became so dehydrated that I needed fluids by IV. When that happened, I completely lost my milk supply. I had no more milk in the freezer. "Should I give him some formula?" I wondered. I really wanted my son to only have my milk for as long as needed, but I didn't want him to go hungry either. I knew that if I gave him formula, he would be full and would not want to nurse, and right now, I needed him to nurse to tell my body to make milk. I told myself that as long as he was wetting enough diapers, and was not miserable and screaming, I wouldn't give him formula. I would get in bed with him (I was exhausted) and let him nurse continuously. It was about all that I had the strength to do. As long as he was nursing he was content, even though I was almost back to my pre-pregnancy A cup size and my breasts were soft and limp. After about 24 hours of constant nursing, my breasts were full again. My bra was no longer loose, and he was no longer eating all the time, he was back to every couple of hours. I was amazed at what my body and baby could do, even when I was so sick and weak.


I would feel my supply go up and down depending on how well I was able to stay hydrated. Normally, I had an abundant supply and Scootch would only take one breast per feeding. I could tell when my supply would drop because he would start taking two breasts per feeding. If I got really dehydrated, he would nurse constantly.

After a couple months, even my very breastfeeding supportive husband mentioned the possibility of weaning. I was so sick and weak and having such a hard time keeping any weight on. But I refused to wean.

Even though it took four months, a colonoscopy, and several doctors before I got better, I'm glad I never gave up on breastfeeding. I am so thankful I found the doctor who treated me with probiotic bacteria and special probiotic yeast that kills C. dif. It was very important to me because I knew it was best for Scootch. He went from the bottom of the growth chart as a preemie to about the 75th percent in weight during that time. At the same time, it was important to me because it was something I could do. Here I was, the mother to these two wonderful little boys, and I couldn't even care for them. I can remember my toddler asking me to push him in his swing during this time. It was out on our deck, no more than a few yards from the living room couch. It broke my heart that I was too tired to walk out there and push him in the swing. I could nurse lying down, and even in my sleep. Even if I could do nothing else as a mom, I could nurse my baby. Scootch went on to nurse for 14 months, and is now a happy, healthy nine year old.